What if's and maybe's-

I can't help but wonder what life would of been like if you would have never left us.

If I would be happier than I am now, if we would fight just like mom and I do..

I wonder if I'd be able to trust any male figure that enters my life to stick around.

I wonder if my view of heaven would be so open. Since you broke the rules by taking the easy way out.

I wonder if you look down at me and cry, and get angry like I do. Angry that you can't hold my hand, or brush through my hair, or dance with me at the bottom of the stairs. 

I hate what you've done to me, what hole you've left in who I am.

I hate that everyday that passes, the sound of your voice starts to slip from my memory.

Or maybe I hate it more that it's been 5 years and I can still smell you every time I look at your leather coats.

Maybe it's that I can see you're twinkle in grandma's eye.

Maybe it's that I know I have a long ways to go without you leading the way.

Maybe it's that I never got to say goodbye.

Maybe it's that I didn't know you would leave.

Or maybe it's just that I know you're not that far from me.

Maybe it's that I know you can see me, but I can't see you.

Or maybe it's that I know I'll see you again one day,

but patience is a virtue, that I have yet to learn.