Sick and tired, or being sick and tired. In every sense-

I've yet to meet someone who has been able to prove to me that trust is attainable.
Every example I've ever had has let me down.
In one way, or another.
No one knows what it means, or how to respect the ones they care for.
 I feel so much safer in the four walls that I've built, and I plan on staying there.
Where no one can reach me.
It's to the point where I'd almost rather feel nothing, than feel betrayal or heartache.
And I hate that I feel that way.
They say that once you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.
I wonder what all that applies to.
I wonder if it means.. that, everyone in your life can fuck you over multiple times..
then one day magically it'll all change and everyone that comes into your life will be trustworthy and loyal?
Doubting it.
I've been at rock bottom for a while now.
And even through my most optimistic days, there is always someone there to humble me.
Someone to say, who are you kidding?
I wish that when you were born you came with a letter, that you could read when you came of age..
Saying-

Dear Brynn,
Welcome to the planet Earth, where everyone back stabs each other and at the end of the day, all that matters is yourself. And everyone lives that way. No matter how good you are to people, karma does not exist. No one can ever offer you the love that you could offer them. So you're better off just loving yourself, and dying alone.
Sincerely,
The man in the sky.