What a shame-

What a shame, you couldn't love me for however long you planned..
What a shame, I couldn't keep your attention with your vast attention span.

I hope she ignites your interest, and holds it above the water.
I'd hate to see her washed up, on this same vacant shore.

Write, erase-

There is so much on my mind..
But I keep writing, and erasing it all.

I don't know what it is.
I don't know what holds me back from saying how I feel.

I don't know what makes it so difficult to just spit it out.
I don't know what makes it so difficult to find the words, that fit my emotions.

Write, erase.
Write, erase.

BFF-

I've never really been able to call someone my best friend, and had it said back.

I've called others my best friend, but they never saw me the same way.

I'm so proud to call Chelsea MY best friend.

Hahahaha.

I'm such a creep.

I'm way cheesy.

She loves it, and I love her.

But seriously, she's pulled me out of the mess I was in.

And from day one, she's given me a sense of belonging.

I couldn't ever thank her enough for that.

I may not have a lot, but I have her.

And right now she is all I need.

(:

That's all for today!

OH &- New Moon is in 9 days. (:

I want something new-

I want something new, so so bad.

I'm so tired of the same old.

The daily routine.

I want to wake up with a sense of adventure.

I want someone calling me at 2 AM asking me to go on a late night drive.

I want to go skinny dipping in someone else's pool.

I want something that will make me feel like I'm alive.

I want someone to make me feel something different.

 Could that someone be you?

MY time-

Starts now.

I'm going to start putting myself first.

I'm going to take care of myself, as if I was all I had.

I am all I have.

I have friends.

But friendships are so fragile.

Without even meaning to, one can be ruined in a matter of minutes.

I'm going to keep my friends.

I'm not saying I'm going to stop holding their trust, and my friendship with them..

But if they all left me

What do I have left?

So starting today, everything I do is going to be because it benefits me and makes me a better person.

Not because it makes you smile, and I pretend that is all that matters.

Because in all honesty, I'd like to be the one smiling.

OH &-

I want a camera for Christmas.

I don't even know-

About anyone or anything anymore.

Let alone myself.

I don't know why I continuously set myself up for failure.

It's like I'm playing with fire.

I know i'll get burned, and all fires will burn me.

Yet, I still have some sick fascination with it.

As if I think I'm immune to a burn.

I seem to think fire will quench my thirst.

That's how ignorant I am.

Time to extinguish this mess I've made

And see what's left when the smoke clears.

Which I'm sure, isn't much.

Domino effect-

It's funny how one bad incident, one falling out can lead to a number of bad incidents or falling outs.

I feel like it's just one thing after another.

And I don't feel like making the effort in setting myself up again, in feat that I will just get knocked down again.

Lately, I've been a pessimist. And I don't like that.

I just wish that my life wasn't so scattered right now.

I wish I could find the pieces, so I could begin patching myself together.

I know it'll be hard, and I'll be stepping out of my comfort zone in doing so..

But I have to.

What chance do I have, without risk anyways?

Hmmmm.

Back to square one.