I'm bottling up so much-

I need to scream until I get all of this air out of my lungs..


Or I'll explode with every deep breath I have to take.

Instrumental music-

The soundtrack to my soul.
The beat of the drum, the beat of my heart.
All feels the same to me.

I feel the words being sang, but I don't hear a thing.
Every note, and sound.. being understood, as if I've been there. Done that.
Retelling a story that's played in my head a thousand times over.

These lyrical notes say more than a million words, as they are felt through my bones.
Saying more than I've ever read, and more that's ever been written down.

You are a ticking time bomb-

A switch blade, a gun ready to be shot.
All useful in self defense..
But all self destructive when aimed wrong.

You are so extreme.
So impressionable.
So ready to tear anyone/everyone apart.

You must think of the most terrible things to say, everyday..
Arguing, degrading, bad mouthing has become your art.

Recieving end-

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you.

That I don't miss you will every fiber of my being.

I'm waiting for someone to come to my bed,

Telling me to wake up.

Because it's only a dream.

I don't know if you can hear my thoughts,

or the words that fall from my lips in desperation

as I mutter prayers to one I'm not sure is listening.

I'd send you a message in this empty bottle I drank dry, 

if I knew you were at the other end of the vast blue eternity.

I'll never be able to forgive my friendship, or lack thereof.

But I hope you can find it in yourself, your spirit, your being.

Whatever you are, where ever you are, now.

I hope what I believe is true.

I hope you can see me, even though we can't see you.

I hope my life is being documented, so you can read my intentions.

Chapter 118 verse 20; the intention of never loosing you.

You're in my heart, as the blood are in my veins.

If actions were  as good as words, I'd wish I had more to say.

I have so much to give to you-

If you'd just put out your hands.

Would you rather feel nothing, than to take a risk?
Ease up baby. Relax those fists.

The damage may be done,
But I could aid you in making amends.

As anger grows into understanding-

Years grow to months
months to weeks
weeks to days
days to hours
and hours to minutes

I sympathize, for you.
What life you had already lost
to end with one last ultimatum.

I understand, why you chose to not.

Growing older, I understand a lot more,
when it comes to people's decisions.

And your decision was, no more decisions.

I get it. I get it now.
Because I'm facing the same ultimatum.

And I'm looking at all my options.
Pros, cons.
Pros that overpower, a multitude of cons.

Who means what, and what means to who.

As minutes grow to hours
hours to days
weeks to months
and months to years..
I will decide, what I want to do.

They call you my shepard-

They call you my Shepard.

They call you my King.

All which I've believed,

Without proof to be seen.

Triumphing in your reign

While everything seemed okay

Now that the storm has moved in

I can't answer the pending question.

"Where have you been?"

The North Star has been clouded by all this fog

Or have you shined ever so bright?

Or did I just play along?

They call you my Shepard,

So why can't you find me?

They call you my King,

But these chains, have kept me from being free.

The door being closed, 

I've come knocking.

But you, have the handle..

Please open, for me.